Rather in your personal life or your business the people you surround yourself with have a big impact on how far you can go. You need to be discerning, but that can be difficult especially if you’re creative or sensitive, like me. So how do you niche down or find your people?
Be unapologetically you, without being elitist. You can be exclusive and inclusive at the same time…how? By focusing on only the most important characteristics of your people.
Recently I was walking the neighborhood with my crew of 4 kids. A neighbor I vaguely know asked if I was on my last kid, as I was walking by. I cheerfully said yes as I walked by laughing. I’m aware that having 4 kids is considered a lot by today’s standards in the mainstream culture of the United States.
When I returned I told my partner and he shared with me that another neighbor had asked something similar. I realized the nature of the question. I realized these are NOT my people. I realized I’ve dealt with people like this since I was pregnant with my first child.
Before I had my first child I knew someone who was very disappointed with me for being a breeder. This person called me all kinds of names and implied that I’d be personally ruining the earth by having a child. Personally, I think there’s something deeply troubling about people walking around talking about hating children, hurting children, and normalizing this attitude that children are evil and basically subhuman. I mean we were all children at some point.
Nevertheless, I don’t care at all about people not having children. I honestly couldn’t believe there were people out there shaming adults for not having children, but then I realized there will be people on radical ends of every spectrum and idea. So yes, there needs to be a child-free movement to stop the stigma against people who don’t have children, just as there needs to be a child-friendly movement.
The most radical people in the child-free movement…those who are not having children because they are holier than thou….those are not my people. As a matter of fact, they make me angry (and I don’t anger easily) and I’m glad they make me angry because that makes it easier for me to understand what I’m passionate about and finetune how I present myself and my business.
This simplifies the process of attracting people I’m most likely to appreciate working with and who are more appreciative of working with me.
So how do you find your people?
Live out loud. Do what feels best to you and let people see you doing that (be authentic). Don’t go out of your way to adopt 12 children you can’t handle or be the picture-perfect family in matching pajamas (my family could never do that and I don’t have a desire to force faux perfection) but do you and pay attention to how people react. Just pay attention. Those who interact negatively…find out why they react that way…if people go out of their way to be rude or judgmental get angry and then notice the reasons for your anger.
This is the key to the people you should be attracting/focusing on.
(I did this in business when I started in the early 2000s and again when I attracted the healthy relationship I have now in 2015)
And then, when you figure that out…call out to them:
Dear lovers of life, dreamers, creators…those who love belly laughs, board games, tickle fests, group hugs, road trips, and teamwork.
For those with plenty of love to give, lessons to share, and the willingness to be a safe space for a child to progress into who they want to be.
For those who believe children are the future and humans are good and nature is intelligently designed; for those who look forward to what wonders lie ahead and what solutions we come up with as a species.
For those who can see that the good comes along with the bad, and it’s simply just a process of growth that is inevitable. For those who see these things and want to be a part of the answer…an active part rather than reactive…
For those who have passions and purpose and progress and value families of all types. For those who believe we can have it all, just not all at once. For those who believe some sacrifices are worth more than their weight in gold and simply want to have amazing relationships, radical health, and meaningful work…for those who believe…in something.
You are my people and we need each other. We need to normalize parenting from a place of partnership, power, and empowerment…work from a place of balance, rhythm, flow, and non-slavedom…and exist from a place of satisfaction, holistic self-care, belonging/community, and why not some bliss?
It’s time we collaborate, cheer each other on, learn from each other and create a culture around the sustainable values we need to enjoy and succeed in our whole lives, rather than trying to fit into these arbitrary ideas of success meant for those obsessed with simple monetary superiority alone.
If you’re tired of being told you need to be making millions no matter the cost to your physical, social, emotional, physical, spiritual health, and personal relationships, join me.
That’s my call to action… what’s yours? Who are your people?
If you want feedback on carefully crafting and curating your message to your people subscribe below.
While I’m starting over here on the internet (after dismantling my internet life in 2015), I’ve created and cultivated many robust communities of like-minded people in my 20 years of professional life and I’ve seamlessly integrated into many communities prior to and throughout those years.
There’s a reason community and communication are almost the same word.
P.S. I’ve been reassessing some of the most hurtful moments of my life. Since I am so much more emotionally and mentally balanced I can now process things I couldn’t in my 20s and it’s glorious. Another rejection I received held me back from one of my biggest dreams and now I am renewing that dream and turning it into reality. More on that next time and how you can do the same.
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